Hidden Strengths
by Kestrel
Summary: OotP Spoiler Alert! Remus takes a walk down a dark and lonely rode. He reflects on his past, his present, and his future. He cannot find the strength to move on by himself. He looks to the sky for answers. Will he get them?


Remus walked through the rain on the dark street. It was late November, and he knew he shouldn't be walking around in the cold rain, but he couldn't stay in Grimmauld Place a moment longer. Not when the halls echoed with voices that would never be heard in life again.

He wondered where his life had gone. Everything had seemed so bright when he was young. He had had a future, something to look forward to, a life to live. And best yet, he had had friends with whom he could share that life. _Where did it all go_, he wondered. _How did I come to be walking alone in the rain on a dark November night?_

He shivered. The rain had soaked through his coat. He was thoroughly drenched. He felt frozen and numb with the cold. _At least you can still feel, Remus_, he thought to himself. _That's more than you can say for any of your friends._ James and Lily were long dead. He still missed them, but that had grown to a dull ache over the years. He had thought he would recover that night in the Shack, when Sirius had told his story. He had a friend again.

_Oh, Sirius,_ Remus thought. _Why did you have to leave? I had hope again while you were here. Damn you, why did you have to go and die? _

Remus realized he didn't know where he was. He didn't really care. What did it matter if he got lost and never came back? The Order didn't really need him; he was just another face in the crowd to them. The Ministry would probably help him disappear if they knew what he was. Who would care, really, if he just curled up and died? He was useless, too lost in his own mind to be any help.

He was crying again, and it made him feel stupid. But then again, it was raining, so who would notice his tears?

Remus turned the corner to walk down yet another dark street. The rain was slowing, and the clouds were starting to thin. Remus was the only one to see the clouds thin. He was the only one awake at this hour, the only one foolish enough to walk outside in the freezing rain. Had his friends been there, they would have been very unhappy with him. They would have yelled and dragged him inside, willing or not. But his friends weren't there, and he was still outside in the rain and dark and cold, utterly alone.

He looked up at the sky. The clouds were breaking up now, and he wished the clouds over the wizarding world would break up that easily. Voldemort was in full swing now, killing and torturing people, destroying lives and dreams alike. Remus thought that perhaps he was lucky he didn't have anything left to lose, really. With nothing to lose, Voldemort couldn't really hurt him.

Sirius the star was shining down on him. He was bathed in it's faint light. Remus felt the tears welling up in his eyes again. _Oh, Padfoot, where are you now?_

The light of the star made the world look slightly erie. When the clouds slid back to reveal the moon, the world was bathed in white light.

_If only the world was covered in white light,_ Remus thought. _Then this wouldn't be so bad for everyone else, and I could die in peace. But the only light our world has comes from a boy who is too broken by grief to carry on by himself._

Remus knew that he couldn't die yet. He had to hold on for Harry, because Harry needed somebody who understood how he felt. Oh, how Remus knew how he felt. Both of their hearts were breaking, being put back together, only to be broken again. Remus was glad Harry had his friends to help him through his life. Remus wished he had the support of his friends now.

"Padfoot, Prongs, Lily," he whispered to the sky. "Where are you now? What has happened to us?"

A warm wind whipped through the air, startling Remus. It ruffled his soaked hair slightly, and Remus could almost imagine the touch of a hand on his face.

He looked up at the stars again. He thought maybe he should go back and write a reply to Harry's letter. The boy had written to him, asking for some story, any story of his parents and the Marauders.

Remus was glad that Harry trusted him enough to show his feelings. The young man had sobbed his heart out on Remus' shoulder over the summer, beat his fists on Remus' chest, asking why. Remus didn't know why. He wanted to, but he didn't.

He had told Harry that he was always available, if Harry ever needed to talk. He had Sirius' old mirror, and it worked just as well for Remus as it had for Sirius.

Sirius. Remus had cried out twelve years of grief on Sirius' shoulder, and Sirius had cried on Remus' shoulder. They had always turned to each other for comfort, canine to canine, for as long as he and Sirius had been friends.

Remus looked up at the Dog Star. "Sirius," he whispered. "Who do I turn to now? Where do I go, now that you're gone?"

Suddenly it all seemed too much for Remus. He fell to his knees in the middle of the sidewalk, bowing his head as he sobbed silently.

"Damn you, Sirius. You left. Where do I turn now?"

The warm wind picked up again, blowing through his hair and robes, playfully tousling them. Then, suddenly, the wind stopped. Remus saw light in front of him, but he didn't have the energy to look up and see what it was. He just didn't care anymore.

He felt an hand under his jaw, and it lifted, forcing him to stand up. Still, Remus didn't look up from the ground.

"Remus."

The deep voice had an echoing quality to it, as though it's owner was talking from the bottom of a well.

"Look at me, Remus."

Remus looked up and gasped. Standing in front of him, holding him up, was the ghostly outline of Sirius Black.

"Sirius," he gasped. "What-"

The ghost Sirius shook it's head. "No, Remus. I'm not here to stay. You'll get to be with us later. I promise. Right now, we need you to be strong for us."

Remus furrowed his brow. "We?"

"James, Lily and I. And Harry. Harry needs you, Remus."

Remus' shoulders slumped. "I can't, Sirius. I don't have any comfort for him. All I can give him is more pain. I don't have the strength to help him anymore."

Sirius looked at him. "You do, Moony. You're the strongest of us all. Be strong, Moony. For us. For Harry."

"How, Sirius? I can't stand up alone. I've always had somebody to turn to."

Sirius turned to look at the sky. He inclined his head towards the Dog Star, his star. "You still have us, Moony. We never leave you; we're always there, even if you can't see us. Be strong for us, Moony. Be there for Harry in the way we can't."

"I'll be strong then. One last time. Then I can be with you."

Sirius stepped forward, cupping Remus' face in his ghostly hands. "You're always with us, Moony. We won't leave you, not ever. We promised." He looked up. "Lily sends her love, and James says you should brush your hair, because you look almost as bad as he does."

Remus smiled slightly. He hoped his hair didn't look that bad.

"I have to go now, Moony. Just know we're always there for you, even if you can't see us."

He stepped away, fading as he went. "Be strong, Moony. We love you."

He was gone.

Remus turned to go back to Grimmauld Place. Warm wind whipped all around him, sending his robes and hair flying. The light of the stars showed him his path.

He needed to take a shower and brush his hair. Then he would write to Harry, maybe try to go see him. He would be strong, even though it was hard. People needed him to be strong, so he would be strong. He'd be damned if he would curl up and die before Voldemort was gone. The world would not fall back into shadow. Remus would make sure of that.

Disclaimer: The song that inspired this fic is called "I Will Come to You," by Hanson. Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Harry Potter, and anything else you recognize from Harry Potter belong to J. K. Rowling and Warner Bros.

Note: This story has been changed because of ff.n's songfic policy. While I admit they have a point with the "no direct copying of words" thing, it honestly makes me laugh… I bet everyone here has read many a story with a chunk of text from a book in quote.

Ah, well, what do I know. I'm just a poor author. Anyways, the story's been changed; that's why it's shorter.


End file.
